You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
