I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
