is your mom at the bar?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
