why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
