I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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