its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
