my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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