Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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