just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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