i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
