You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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