So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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