we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
