goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
