i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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