If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
