he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
