My sheets look like a crime scene.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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