SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She bit a glass in half.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
