I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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