When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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