Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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