Moan for me like Helen Keller
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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