it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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