This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
