my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
