It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
