come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
