So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
