I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
