her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
