I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
