i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
