he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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