Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
