dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
