oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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