I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
