Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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