I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
