yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
