wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
