laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
