Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
