bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
