I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
