i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
