I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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