Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
