They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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