Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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